Archive for August, 2007

Being Depressed

Published on August 26, 2007 in Miscellany and Spilling my Guts. 5 Comments

I’ve had a couple of depressive episodes in the last two months. The first lasted over a week and got kind of scary for a while. My old psychiatrist was able to squeeze me in (he’s got a three month waiting list for new patients) and tweaked my meds a bit, which helped. He did give me a new med which completely killed my libido, so I stopped taking it. But the tweak, while it pulled me out of the longer lasting episode, hasn’t completely saved the day. I had another “breakthrough” yesterday. It was just a day, and today I’m absolutely fine.

The experience of being in an episode is almost indescribable. I am not me. I go through the motions of doing things, but my “self” is absent from my experiences. It’s not like I’m an outside observer, but that I’m a different person. I didn’t really figure out the difference until today. I’m better today, and so I’m myself again. I have ideas and opinions and I’m proactive. I recognize my experiences. When I’m depressed, I don’t really have any idea what’s happening to me.

Anyhow, I’ll report this little episode to the shrink during our med check. I’m not optimistic that there are any other meds out there that I’m willing to take, and I’m willing to trade monthly “breakthrough” episodes for a great sex life. Probably I ought to get back into therapy, but I’m not really sure what I need to work on. Maybe I just need to pay closer attention to my thoughts and go from there.

No More Apologies

Published on August 20, 2007 in Miscellany and Spilling my Guts. 5 Comments

I am done apologizing. I am done treating myself like a second-class citizen because I barely started college. I have finished believing I have a second-rate occupation because I work in business instead of something important like science or art or (my new favorite word-to-spit) “The Academy.”

I earn a good living. I enjoy what I do. I have friends and colleagues who like and respect me. I read broadly. I synthesize concepts. I have a sharp memory (as long as it doesn’t involve remembering where I put my car keys). I’m passionate and articulate. I get things done. I can keep a lot of balls in the air without dropping them.

I am also through with weasel words. I will speak and write in the active voice using declarative sentences. I believe this will cause problems, because women aren’t supposed to use the active voice and declarative sentences. Tough.

Home!

Published on August 16, 2007 in The Fam. 5 Comments

I’ve been away for almost two weeks. By the time I arrive home again, it will have been thirteen days, eight hours and thirty-five minutes (or so) (but who’s counting).

I miss my guys, my bed, and my house. I am somewhat hermit-like when I’m home, because as a home-based worker I rarely need to leave the house. I’m looking forward to resuming.

The Kid didn’t want to pick up his toys tonight. I don’t know if he got around to it or not.

Road Trip

Published on August 11, 2007 in Miscellany, Mormon Stuff and My Peeps. 7 Comments

I have been away from home for over a whole week, and will be gone for almost a whole week more. My sex life has suffered as a result, which I’m sure my husband is happy to know.

I worked in the office for two days last week, then on Tuesday evening flew to Salt Lake City, Utah. I came here because I have always wanted to attend the Sunstone Conference, and visit my friend Peggy again. Peggy has a very seriously bad disease, and I thought it was important that “again” become “2007″.

The trip has been a whirl of activity. I have spent a great deal of money that we don’t have, but not as much as I would have spent without the kind and generous hospitality of my husband’s aunt and uncle. They have housed me in a comfortable room that their briefly absent granddaughter lives in. They have fed me vegetables from their garden and fruit from their trees. Fortunately, I am leaving before the Big Canning Project on Monday and Tuesday, where extended family members will come together and can 35 quarts of tomato juice. Whew.

The Sunstone Conference was an almost three-day immersion in Mormon Stuff, and I am DONE. It was different and interesting, but really, I’m done. Done. Donedonedonedonedone. I have commented briefly about my experiences at By Common Consent. Feel free to hop over and read if you are interested.

The best part of the trip, of course, has been visiting with Peggy and meeting some wonderful internet friends in Real Life. I met Todd, with whom I have been discussing Mormon Stuff for over three years, and his wife Stephanie, and it was like hooking up with old high school pals. I met Mormons, New Order Mormons, and Ex-Mormons that I have been reading and talking with for anywhere from a few months to five years, and it’s been wonderful and fun. Oh, and tiring. Did I mention that I’m tired? I was out until 2:00 a.m. last night partying with the MoBloggers, and then another two hours tonight with the NOM/FLAKers. It was awesome.

Peggy looks great. Absolutely great. I was just amazed at how terrific she looked. Hard to believe she’s sick. I forbade her to die, which was incredibly socially inept of me.

Tomorrow I leave Salt Lake to fly back to Columbus.

What to write about

Published on August 2, 2007 in Miscellany. 6 Comments

I post on two blogs other than this one. Both are mormon-themed. I write good posts about Important Things, and readers praise me for my insight and clarity. I just don’t have that many things in my non-Mormon life that will generate that kind of response. There are aspects of my personal life that I could share here (such as my EXCELLENT sex life) that would garner readership, I’m sure, but if I’m going to write erotica it’ll be under a pen name, and I’ll be paid for it, thankyouverymuch.

I could write again about being depressed, but I’m doing OK for the most part, and that’s SUCH a drag to read about. William Styron could pull it off, but not many others can. I wrote a bit about gardening, and Trailseeker encourages me to do more. He is a master gardener, and has even sold produce at a farmer’s market, but his locale is very, very different from mine, so he may not have much applicable advice. Vegas Joe’s E-Fridays are always a highlight of my week. Maybe I could find a cute little girl and pretend she’s my far away granddaughter, and post pictures of her.

However, I will not let the lack of profound topics deter me from posting! I am determined to post at least three times a week during the month of August. When the month is over, I will evaluate and see if I like what I’ve written. If I do, then I will carry on. If I don’t, I will return to my previous methods, which involve posting bi-weekly or maybe a little more when I feel guilty about neglecting my poor little blog.