Writing in the Corner

When discussing my lack of motivation for seeking out increased social opportunities, I used this explanation (a true one): People are vast sucking black holes of need. I have nothing inside to give. I have traveled down too many one-way streets.

My therapist heard depression and emotional depletion. A perceptive women. She has referred me to a psychiatrist for a thorough evaluation and medication review.

I am better, but this is not as good as it gets. Thanks goodness. I’m better, but I’m only halfway up the hill.

Baby steps.

I went to a wedding reception tonight. I always, always enjoy spending a few minutes taking in two beautiful young people in love and making a start on their life together. It’s so exciting, and they’re so happy and hopeful. These two were no exception.

Bride and Groom are in their early 20’s - young by most people’s standards, but about average for LDS. They have been dating since we got here, when Groom came home from his mission, about three years ago. Bride had just started college, a music scholarship at Prestigious Private University. Now, she has just one year to go. She’s going to finish, she insists, and then on to graduate school.

She looked just beautiful. Take my breath away beautiful. Tears in your eyes beautiful. He’s a mighty handsome fellow, too.

What a lovely, upper of a way to spend the evening. I danced with my husband, who doesn’t dance (but will with me). I ate strawberries dipped in chocolate. I had cake.

They aren’t close friends of ours, but I was glad to be able to see them off. White lace and promises, a kiss for luck, and they’re on their way.

Dave, writer of my most favorite Mormon blog, Dave’s Mormon Inquiry, writes that keeping up with comments is just too much work. He invites comments in the form of trackbacks from our own blogs. Here’s what I think:

I don’t like it even one little bit. DMI is my single most favorite place to read about Mormon stuff. I crave interaction with the blogs I read. This may be all it takes to drive me out of the Mormon commenting sphere.

Harrumph.

It didn’t turn out to be a very good week. Cyclical, I think. However, now it’s Friday and the laundry is almost done. DH is home, which is how the laundry is almost done. He moves the laundry, and I fold it. We have a sorting hamper, so very little sorting needs doing. It’s a good system. He doesn’t mind the moving, and I don’t mind the folding.

My BIL and SIL may be coming for a brief visit Tuesday as they travel westward, which is as good a reason as any to clean, I suppose.

I’m mostly writing today because it’s been so long, not because I feel I have anything to share. It’s been a long week, and I’m tired. I hope to get a good night’s sleep.

I just barked at my mother-in-law. Everybody is motion - the in-laws are moving from Utah to Florida, and have already vacated their house. DH is in New York, and he’ll be flying back to Utah to drive their car here, and then eventually to Florida. I’m the only person that’s stationary, so I’ve been in the middle of a lot of things, mostly travel arrangements.

Plans had been made, and she started to tell me about a change in those plans. I made an invalid assumption and snapped at her. Then, when she very kindly explained things and asked if the new plan was OK, I replied, “It doesn’t matter a bit to me. It’s nothing to do with me.”

She’ll be calling in a few minutes for DH’s flight information. I’m going to apologize. I feel bad for snapping at her and for jumping to conclusions.

Here’s why I’m really angry, I think.

• I don’t like being in the middle of things.
• I don’t like being stuck here while DH gets to do cool stuff. (When he travels, he spends a week at NYU in Greenwich Village. When I travel, I spend a week in Arby’s restaurants. Not.Fair.)
• My husband has been gone for a week, it’ll be another week before he’s back home, and I’m done. I’m just done.

But of course, I’m not done. I have another week to go.