I was suffering from major depression when I started taking Wellbutrin. I’d lost my faith. I had been out of work for almost a year. Our finances were in dismal shape. I am morbidly obese, and though I’ve often been able to see past my weight to my positive attributes, my inability to find work, combined with my size, and the sense that God had abandoned me, was starting make me feel like I was worthless. Subhuman, even. I get teary-eyed thinking about it.
I spent large parts of the day, more days than not, wishing I were dead. I would imagine how my family would be better off without me. DH could use the insurance money to pay off our debts, and marry a nice believer. I was prevented by a few things - primarily the lack of access to deadly doses of barbiturates or a gun, and concern about what little boy would do if nobody came to pick him up at the bus stop. What if he came home and found me?
When I told my daughter about this, she totally freaked. TOTALLY freaked. Reminded me that lots of people loved me and I would leave a mess behind and that I ought to go see a doctor.
I made an appointment with a therapist, and called my MD. He worked me in the next day and the nurse was adamant that if it got worse I should go to the hospital. When I saw the MD, I told him what I was looking for in a medication (fights depression; no sexual side effects) and he gave me Wellbutrin.
My therapist told me, after I started to feel better in a few weeks, that I was going to have “breakouts,” and that they would pass, and I should not be overly concerned by them. She said that the medication barrier was not perfect. When it happens any more, it’s almost always fairly brief in duration (< 24 hours) and it's almost always in synch with my menstrual cycle.
I'm so much better now. SO much better. I sometimes wonder if it’s because my mental health has actually improved, or if it’s just the drugs. But I’ve decided I don’t care. If I need to take Wellbutrin or its generic equivalent for the rest of my life, and that keeps me from wishing I was dead, I’ll do it. I wouldn’t think twice about taking insulin if I was diabetic. This may just be what I need to stay well. If so, that’s fine.
my father is bipolar. severly. he tried to kill himself more than once, spent more than one stint in the hospital… medication saved his life. he will always need it. and that’s ok. it’s a disease like any other, and you do what you have to do to have a quality life.
and it sounds like you have a wonderful daughter!
I’m so glad you have the medication you need.
Glad you got rid of the virus too (I got here by reading your bcc post and then running a google search to see how you did it).
You know its possible, Ann, that once your neurochemistry improved you were finally able to put your mental house in order. Its wonderful that you have found somthing that works for you. I toy with the idea of medication but the craziness kind of fuels my activity. I worry, based on my experiences with Zoloft and Effexor many years ago, that I would lose my edge and be unable to keep all the balls of my life juggling. A large chunk of my misery comes from an external source, which I also have to factor in.
I found your blog, while loking up some info on wellbutrin. Im 17, and talking it. I’ve been in a really bad depression for awhile, and hearing that it actually works, from someone who takes it, makes me feel a lot better about things improving.
Crystal, if it doesn’t start working within two weeks (that is, if you don’t start feeling better), then be sure to let your MD know.
And I can’t emphasize enough how helpful therapy has been.
I can relate to some of you feelings here. I too have suffered from a lack of faith lately. I especially have a hard time sleeping. Does the welbutrin help with sleep disorders? I took zoloft for a long time and it stopped working so I stopped taking it. I hate life, it’s so hard. Maybe I need to go back on medication.
My mom gave me some of her Wellbutrin pills I felt better within two days what a difference in life! I took Zoloft and Effexor - With Zoloft I wanted no sex, with Effexor I was sick to my stomach I am WELL with Wellbutrin . Thank the Lord!
Dear Ann:
Upon finding out I was pregnant recently, I went off Paxil. Boy, did I suffer! Due to some much needed coaxing from my husband, I went to the doctor’s today and told her how severely depressed I’ve been. The side effects I suffered going off of Paxil were excruciating. Nausea, constant sobbing and despair have been what my days mostly consist of. It didn’t take much on the part of the doctor to assess that I was on a downward spiral REAL fast. So the doctor suggested Wellbutrin and I took my first dosage today. I was nervous about it because of the emotional rollercoaster that I have been on, but then I saw your blog and I was immensely touched by it…you are an inspiration for those like myself who need the comfort in being reminded that I am not alone. Thanks so much for sharing your story-Appreciated more than you know.
Christine