“I would describe myself as an informed, discouraged, liberal, honest, practicing Mormon. Yes, there is tension lurking in that mix of adjectives, but life isn’t perfect.”
Amen.
Archive for February, 2005
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Yesterday morning, I dropped Little Boy off at school and headed for work. I felt strange. Something I haven’t felt in a long time.
I felt happy.
Therapy Thursday night was very…therapeutic. Apparently, I am getting better. I am putting my life back together. It’s a slow process, and it probably won’t look the same as it did two years ago, but it’s happening.
My therapist was very pleased with my attitude toward money stuff. We’ve run the numbers, we have a plan, and all we can do is work our plan as best we can and see if it will work. We can’t do anything more than that. She said she was very pleased to see me have such a healthy perspective…that “we’re doing everything we can, and we’ll just have to see” is a very sound, sensible way of coping, and she thinks it shows great progress.
Today I went to get a UPS label and I noticed my fax in box for the first time. The other fax boxes have people’s names. Mine says “IT Dept.” Threw me for a loop, it did. I haven’t been feeling real “at home” at this job. My co-workers seem wary of me. Perhaps it’s because I’m wary of them. But with me, it’s fear, while for them, it seems that they dislike me.
I’m trying not to be afraid, because what we most fear tends to be what we bring about. But as much as I like this job, I get the feeling I’m not going to get to keep it.
This morning, when DH’s alarm went off at 5:50, I thought to myself, “Hey, it’s Saturday! Why the heck is his alarm going off on Saturday?” And then I realized it wasn’t Saturday. When I mentioned this to him as he was shaving, he said, “I thought the exact same thing.”
But now it’s Friday night. I’ve just spent the last several hours watching Veggie Tales Silly Songs collections. I think my new favorite is The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps.
And tomorrow, it IS Saturday morning!
Today, when I was washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and saw a strand of hair that is significantly longer than its fellows. I went to the admin assistant and said, “C., aren’t you brave about hair?”
C. replied, “Yes, I’m getting mine cut soon.”
I said, “Please be brave with my hair. See this strand that’s too long? Will you even it out for me?”
C. told me to turn around. She said “There’s a lot more like that. A lot more. You need to go to your stylist and make her fix it.”
Grrr. Not only is it too short, it’s scraggly. Grr.
In other news, DH and I blitz-cleaned the kitchen and family room. Neither are really clean, but both are much tidier than they were before.
I’m grinding my teeth again. Stress, I’m sure. I’m so glad to have this job; we really, really needed the money. Good hours. Short commute. But still, I’m so tired! It’s overwhelming how much has to be done in a day. Now, in addition to all the stuff around the house I’m not doing to feel guilty about, because I’m working for over 1/3 of the day, I barely have time to look at the internet. I miss my internet.
I made a big lunch today, Crispy Oven-baked Chicken from the Just Tell Me What to Cook mailing list, with a wild rice mix and green beans. It was pretty good, and we’ve got lots of leftovers for lunch.
I spent most of the afternoon making pies. I made a caramel custard pie, and a strawberry bavarian pie. Both recipes are from The Joy of Cooking. The caramel custard pie looks like it’ll be OK. My custard pies are always too thin, probably because I use skim milk. Also, I had to caramelize my own sugar, which was incredibly time consuming, even though I did it two days ago. So even though it’ll probably taste just fine, I’m sure it was more trouble than it was worth.
The strawberry bavarian pie, though, was super quick and easy. It’s a lovely pie, sort of pink for Valentine’s day. It’ll be a nice dessert for tomorrow.
I got my hair cut and colored today. I am no longer gray, so I look about ten years younger. I will have to wear makeup again, to keep from looking pallid.
The stylist cut my hair too short. The sides were uneven, and then she made it too short on one side trying to even them out, so she had to make both sides short. Fortunately, I am not weird about my hair. It will grow. DH says he likes it. I think it will help to blow it dry.
Little boy’s new bed arrived today, thus ending the bed purchasing saga. They called yesterday to say it had arrived and they could deliver it today. Would 4:00 be OK? Yes, 4:00 would be fine.
At 1:00, I received a call on my cell phone. The bed delivering guys were sitting in the driveway, “but there’s nobody home.” I was in a hair salon with hair color on my head, so I wasn’t in any position to just come home, and by the way, was it anywhere CLOSE to 4:00? They came back later, but still nobody was home (I was in the chair getting my hair cut too short at the time). I called them when I came home, and they delivered it. We were all very nice to each other about the mix-up; me, because I’m a nice person, and them, because I’m the customer.
I keep thinking I ought to write more interesting things on my blog, but I hesitate to spread my fear and angst out for all to see and criticize as irrational. So I save it for therapy, where my therapist tells me I just need to be patient and let things unfold because I’ve been through an incredibly difficult year. Bless her.
I see something that looks suspiciously like buds on my azalea bushes. Spring is here!
Ha! This was going to be my computer free night. I’m on the computer all day, working and not playing, and I thought I would take a night off. I popped on, though, “just for a minute,” and an hour later, no laundry is done, no floor is swept, and no little boy is played with. So I’m off!
Back tomorrow…maybe…
Today is a state holiday, I think, with no mail or anything. It was actually kind of a yucky day…I was very sleepy last night, and slept late this morning, and even took a nap this evening. I puttered around a little bit, but didn’t really do much housework. I didn’t go to the city. I was just glad to have a day off.
DH has been working on some research and has practically monopolized the computer for the last two days. Last night, even when I could use it, it was busy running DNA sequence analysis. The sacrifices I make for science…
I did get our taxes done while one of the less memory-hog programs was running. We get a refund. Last year, we had to pay. Of course, last year, I had worked for nine months the year before.
I bought a bed-in-a-bag on sale at Target for the new bed in the guest room. Now the room looks…bare. Before, it was an empty room with some stuff in it. Now, it’s an undecorated bedroom. I guess we need to put some stuff up on the walls. Maybe make one of those covered wall-mounted headboards like the designers make on Changing Rooms. And some shelves. DH is a good woodworker.
DH is going to come meet me for lunch tomorrow, and see my new office. I think we’ll go to this Italian place I went to for lunch last week with my co-workers. It was REALLY good, and DH and I don’t get to try new restaurants together often.
I want to head in to the city in the next couple of days, because I always like seeing the detritus of Mardi Gras - beads hanging from the trees and stuff.
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